I was driving my late model European import into my cushy office in the heart of one of the richest cities in the country, listening to my satellite radio and drinking a $4 coffee, when my phone rang - my, iPhone that is.
It was my model-looks wife on the home, calling from the suburbs, to share me with our plans to go out and spend freely on our American Express credit cards, when something struck me.
I know how to guarantee a permanent Republican majority.
There is a gender gap in politics. Women tend to vote for the Democratic Party, and Men tend to vote for the Republican party. There's also an increasing trend for the rich to vote Democratic, usually because they feel guilty (not guilty enough to write a check to the US Treasury - just guilty enough to demand that everyone else do it). And there's also an urban gap. Cities tend to vote for Democrats, and rural areas vote Republican.
How can Republicans close these gaps? Shoes. That's right shoes. Women, especially wealthy women who live in cities, love shoes. The very sight of a pair of shiny black dress heels is enough to push all thoughts of silly things like politics and financial systems out of the heads of the poor dears.
So what should be the strategy in 2010 and beyond? The Republicans have to ask for sacrifice from their male voters. They have to launch, and sustain, a 24/7 campaign to convince men to make a deal with their wives. The women vote for Republicans in a straight ticket, and half of the savings in taxes can be applied to the purchase of luxury shoes and handbags.
Half seems like a big number, but as I drove my late model European import, it struck me that I'd rather my wife spend money on shoes and handbags then give it to the local, state and federal government. And I'd save 50% that I could put towards golf clubs and investments in hedge funds.
Single women in the cities make as much or more than the men, and the chance to tap into that demographic has never been easier. Using the tax for shoes strategy, single women should be microtargeted using text messaging to really hammer in the idea that tax cuts equals more money for shoes. The RNC should build a social media strategy to start a Ning site for coupon codes on Jimmy Choo, Manolo, and Louis Handbags. I'd give $200 bucks on a pledge drive if I knew it would convert 4 women to permanent Republican voters.
And in a final twist to ensure the single women vote, single men could make a pledge to marry any woman they've been dating longer than two years if and when the marriage penalty on higher incomes is removed. This even gives us a shot at lower income singles, as the marriage penalty for the 15% bracket is scheduled to expire in 2010.
Don't think this is a joke. Conservatives are asking themselves what they need to do to prevent global catastrophic ruin when the results of the election sink in after Christmas. The populace will need strong policies to regain hope.
And if you've ever wandered the aisles of Saks or Neiman, you know what I'm talking about.
